Gender Roles Redefined
gen·der·fi·ca·tionˌ jen-der-fə-ˈkā-shən
JACQUI-DAVIS
: a process in which men and women are confined to specific roles to attract and keep a marriage partner. Character traits, assigned to each gender decades ago are revisited or perhaps revised to increase the value of men and women to each other.
Genderfication: femininity vs. masculinity in women is my way to examine character traits by gender. I don’t know if my made-up word and definition will make it to Merriam-Webster’s words of the year list but I think there is room for it in a modern dictionary. Genderfication, like in gentrification seems like every change is for the greater good. It may be great for one party but not good for the other. The person who gets the better deal fails to see why the other is not satisfied with the short end of the stick if they even get a stick.
According to What are gender roles and stereotypes? from plannedparenthood.org, “Every society, ethnic group, and culture has gender role expectations, but they can be very different from group to group. They can also change in the same society over time.” Anything taken to the extreme is not healthy for individuals or couples. People need to feel free to express their emotions without being penalized.
The Planned Partnership article also discusses hyper-femininity. “Hyper-femininity is the exaggeration of stereotyped behavior that’s believed to be feminine. Hyper-feminine folks exaggerate the qualities they believe to be feminine. This may include being passive, naïve, sexually inexperienced, soft, flirtatious, graceful, nurturing, and accepting.” I would add muted and moldable.
Hyper-feminine women are some people’s worst nightmare. In my opinion, forcing yourself into a mold could mean giving yourself away and living an inauthentic life. A woman may feel obligated to suppress what is innate to please her spouse. Think Cinderella’s stepsisters stuffing their feet into that glass slipper. Even if that foot gets jammed in, she is so bruised and bloody that painful tears could be mistaken for joyful tears as she pretends all is well.
If Femininity Was A Person
April Mason is a femininity guru. Her Identity Switch Formula and Dating Bootcamp Courses, app., client list populated with rich and famous folk, social media presence, and books, provide credentials to advise men and women about successful relationships. Because she married “potential”, April felt she operated in the masculine by taking the lead when her husband did not. He ended up resenting her. After her divorce, she decided to change to a feminine mindset.
Ms. Mason like many of us is aware that In previous generations Papa had it all while Mama had zilch. Back then no husband meant no money. Wives walked away with nothing once they left the marriage. Therefore Mama wanted to ensure that her daughters had their own. With education, which would better equip them with financial security, daughters would no longer be forced to enter and stay in toxic marriages. This perceived overcorrection is an effort to protect hearts. It may also serve as a fence to keep people out rather than letting them in. Good intentions might have caused the pendulum to swing too far in the masculine direction.
Leave Nothing Wanting
Ms. Mason describes herself as a woman that wants for nothing but gets everything. She asks men for help before it is offered. This is not limited to romantic partners. No assumptions are made about chivalry being dead. No offense is taken about being called a weaker vessel because “women should not do what a man does physically”. Weaker is not the same as less. She believes that women should put themselves in a position for men to take the lead. Ladies should not lead with our self-sufficiency or compete with men’s visions. She suggests merging with men for a larger vision. This softer approach appeals to men. Honey vs. vinegar makes a lot of sense whether you want to get married or not.
Macho Ma’am?
Sisters doing it for themselves are sometimes labeled as masculine. Boss ladies can be intimidating. In order to make it in the business world some women feel it is necessary to “man up” to: a) be taken seriously, b) prevent being taken advantage of, and/or c) not get overlooked. When positive male personality traits are displayed by women they sometimes get flipped to negative. One man’s aggression is another woman’s assertion. In The Clark Sisters: First Ladies of Gospel, Dr. Mattie Moss Clark’s husband told her that ambition (a “male” trait) did not look good on her. For some ladies, It may be challenging to abandon that posture when it comes to romantic relationships
Congrats or Critique
“We’re raising up women to be men!” Like most quotes, this should not be taken out of context. The target audience is men and 2 minutes and 30 seconds of the 57-minute sermon was addressed to women. Jakes was not blaming women but the society/culture we have become. Men who have lied, cheated on and hurt women also bare some responsibility explains Bishop Jakes.
He acknowledged that femininity is not applauded. “Women are climbing the corporate ladder but losing the family,” he interjects. Male traits like rough, tough, and nasty are congratulated. Strength is another trait that elicits hand claps. Those traits are not only congratulated, but also criticized, often in the same breath. When black women in particular are called strong, they are called angry too.
In every human being, reflection and introspection are necessary from time to time. Let’s look at the traits we display and assess whether or not they serve us well. If we determine that our lives are unbalanced, what do we need in order to move us toward the life we want? If marriage is your goal, how will you “create a need that one special man can pour into”? Not interested in marriage? How can men and women get along better? Add your two cents to the comments.