Wednesday, April 17, 2013
¯Fairy Tales can come true. It can happen to you if you’re young at heart. Words from a classic song that I very much wanted to believe. When I was younger, I wanted that fairy tale complete with a wedding. An avid watcher of TLC’s “A Wedding Story”, I took mental notes of what my special day would be like. The color scheme would include red, my favorite color. The flowers would be tulips. The bridal party, gown with aisle long train, songs and singers, unity candle, and signing of a marriage contract were all in the plan. Every wedding I attended allowed me to take even more notes that I would put my spin upon.
Don’t believe everything you read
I bought into the fantasy from the Disney Princesses, romance novels, TV, movies, and love songs. It wasn’t a hard sell. In all of the above love conquers all. Even if the hero and heroine experienced roadblocks, before the 2 hours were up, they reunited and rode off into the sunset…together.
Romance novels and movies always end well. On the screen or the last page, we see or can infer “and they lived happily ever after”. In real life, that is only sometimes the case. I longed to hear wedding bells so desperately that I was willing to go into marriage on a shaky foundation of icky sweet romance. I bought into reasons 1 and 2 from 5 Reasons Fairy-Tale Romances Almost Always Go Wrong. Jill P. Weber Ph.D. explained why being too invested in romantic ideals may not lead to an enduring marriage.
1. Princesses and knights have a dark side
According to Dr. Weber, “The idea of the princess and the knight with a protective shield is predicated on the woman being so weak that she needs male protection, which includes the man making decisions for her. This, in a way, is degrading to women, because it means that, even on a pedestal, she is not meant to be taken seriously or trusted with the real decisions or the heavy lifting of life.” I wanted/needed to be rescued from a lonely single existence. Life was on hold. My best life would not begin until I had a permanent partner to live it with.
2. Princess status stunts growth
“Women who put all of their worth into relationships and do not experience their worth in other pursuits have lower self-esteem than women who occupy a variety of roles,” states Dr. Weber. No matter what I achieved or who I had in my life, it did not compare to getting married. I wanted to be the prize (bride), have the prize (groom) choose me, and win the prize (forever marriage).
Prince Charming, come through
The one thing that alluded to me the most was the groom. I always made it clear to anyone that I was seeing that I wanted to get married. The men whom I thought, well hoped, well prayed, and cried were potential grooms were never on the same page as I was. I think that on occasion I wanted the wedding fantasy more than I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that particular person. The actual marriage would somehow work out.
Celebrities and regular folk alike have proven that one spectacular day does not guarantee marriage success. All of the time and money spent on that event is a lot of work. It is not over after leaving the reception. To paraphrase the Carpenter’s song from the ’70s, ¯It’s Only Just Begun¯.
Was there a movie or book that convinced you that you would be the Princess Bride in your fairy tale? Talk about it in the comments