Despite not having marriage as a goal, I consume lots of dating and marriage content. I have watched every season of Married At First Sight available with the after-show commentary. The 2nd season of Love on Stage just wrapped and I can’t wait for Season 3. Redefined TV hooked me with the titles posted on my YouTube feed. Why Do You Want To Get Married? intrigued me. It made me think about my motive for marriage. I wonder if some who have crossed over into divorce ask this question in hindsight.
True Crime viewers know every crime has motive, means, and opportunity. The same can be true of marriage. Those same elements may flip from perfect marriage to criminal once one or more of the elements change too drastically. If either party determines that they can/will no longer adapt to those changes, the couple who once upon a time stood before the preacher or Justice of the Peace now sits across the table from one another with lawyers.
Nov 19, 2017
Motive, Give Me a Reason
Motive is defined as a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious. According to this video the reasons for marriage are as follows: growing old with someone, making beautiful babies with someone, carrying on the tradition, and reaching a milestone. I raised both of my hands for each of these reasons. They are feasible alone but partnership is an enhancement. Until I watched this video, I planned to get married because that is what you do. Eventually marriage would be sandwiched between college graduation, buying a home with a picket fence, and having 2.5 children. I don’t remember analyzing these reasons to determine if they were truly my own or if I just embraced them without thought.
View your singleness as a passport not a prison.
Jerry Flowers – Why Do You Want To Get Married?, Redefined TV
Contemporary Christian/Gospel Singer/Songwriter, Nicole C. Mullen talked about her marriage motivation on the podcast, CeCe Winans Generations: Thriving After Broken Relationships with Nicole C. Mullen. Pride was her motive. She needed to prove that she was right about her marriage being God’s will and that her mother was wrong. Listen to the podcast in its entirety to hear how pride led to a failed marriage.
By Any Means Necessary
The definition of means is the way to do something. To the motivated, where there’s a will there’s a way. Dating apps, friends or family setups, Speed Dating, singles organizations, or a kairos moment when you cross paths with the love of your life are examples of means. Motivation will push some to attempt one or more means multiple times. Even disappointment won’t dissuade the genuinely determined to keep finding a way. Perhaps tenacity will convince them that they can make a way out of no way. Nicole C. Mullen gave her marriages more than a college try when folks looking from the outside in would have handed her a pen to sign the papers.
Opportunity
A set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something is how opportunity is defined. Once some people avail themselves of the means for marriage, it is up to both parties to take advantage of opportunities to make their relationship work and progress toward matrimony. When asked, Can this relationship/marriage be saved? they should respond the same way. Therapy, conferences, books, podcasts, mentoring, etc. are some means for a successful marriage.
Having never been married, I am unqualified to advise divorced women. However, I think that if I had married based on the motives I possessed, it may not have lasted. Note to my younger self: Be more self-aware about your marriage motives. Also, would I have been willing to put the energy and effort into the means and opportunities for marital bliss? I’d like to think that I would. Whatever your status, tell me what you think in the comments.
