When looking for images for this post, I found it interesting that there was a mixture of sad women and conniving spiders. Losing a spouse is hard and no one should tell any woman how long or how to grieve. Once the casserole dishes have been washed and returned, what’s a widow to do?
In some cultures, widows young and old are shrouded in black if or until they marry again. The Widow Douglas is the prime mother figure in Adventures in Huckleberry Finn, She is the strict, old, pious guardian of Huck Finn. Women like her never appeared to be vibrant. They were just biding their time until the Lord called them home. No one ever knew their first names or who they were once their marital status abruptly changed. I know some women who were widowed before 40.
Tangled Web
There is more than one iteration of widows. Even though it rarely happens in nature, black widow spiders get their name from the popular belief that the female eats the male after mating. True Crime has many real-life examples of women who marry and then kill their husbands for money or other reasons. In the 2008 TV Movie, Black Widow, a photojournalist begins to suspect her best friend Danny’s new love interest could be linked to the murders of wealthy men. Marvel Universe’s. Black Widow (Natalia Alianovna “Natasha” Romanova)[1] is a fictional character appearing in Marvel Comics. The character later defected to the United States, becoming an agent of the fictional spy agency S.H.I.E.L.D. and a member of the superhero team the Avengers. The majority of widows are neither villainesses nor superheroines.
Widow Words of Wisdom
One hopes we know that movies and TV are not the lenses through which to view widows. Just like other demographics, widows are diverse. If we want to uphold these women, we need to ask them how they wish to be supported. Lists of varying lengths have been compiled to help those of us who have never walked the widow’s path. 7 Ways to Care for Widows in Your Church written by Miriam Neff, national and international speaker on women’s issues and the founder and president of Widow Connection, focuses on the church but could apply to other communities.
Instead of trying to figure out how to help widows, we should leave it to the experts like Mary Francis. Her credentials below, speak for themselves. In addition to her blog, she provides free guides that address issues that confront widows.
Widowhood is like being on a double highway with someone to share the journey with, and then all of a sudden you’re in the ditch and by yourself. Sure you can get out of the ditch, but now you’re on a single- lane highway, without a map, by yourself and with no idea what to do. If you don’t want to be wandering aimlessly, you will have to reframe your life and create a new map. – Mary Francis
Widow Wish List
Stacy Feintuch relied on hindsight to compose her list in her post 10 things I wish someone had told me about becoming a widow. Premarital counseling and marriage conferences occur all of the time. Perhaps it seems morbid to prepare for widowhood. Sure it is wise to purchase life and burial insurance. Even if widows are provided for financially, there are still losses that need compensation.. I selected five from Stacy’s list that I believe friends and family should keep in mind.
- People do and say the dumbest things around you.
- Friends and family may not always understand that you don’t have time.
- Those who have never experienced a tragedy such as this will not understand what you are going through.
- Do not do what you do not want to do.
- You will never be the same person you were before.
wikimedia.org
As the green line on the graph above shows, women in our age range are more likely to become widows. Whether it happens to you or to someone you care about, we owe it to our sisters to be sensitive to one of life’s possible transitions.
If you are a widow, what are some ways your community has supported you? How have you supported your widowed friends? Drop some knowledge in the comments.