Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I must admit that I have wanted to be a fly on the wall at events that I did not attend. The reason is to see if my preconceived notions were valid and current. I recently heard about two events advertised with singles in mind. In years past, all the stops would have pulled out and if I didn’t have money, I would find it.
Attending either event was not feasible. Plus, did they have anything to offer me at this stage in my life? The events were a local church’s Singles Conference and a Gospel radio station’s Mix and Mingle. I desired to sneak in under the radar, dark glasses, trench coat, and floppy hat as an investigative reporter. Has anything changed since I last participated in these activities?
The Singles Conference had the subtitle: The Joys & Struggles of Being Single! I liked that the joys were first in the equation and it was linked to scripture.
Colossians 2:9-10
9 For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:
Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)
The breakout session topics included: Dating in the 21st Century, Keeping My Virtue, and Intimacy with God. There was also a Q&A session. The fly on the wall wanted to know:
- Was the goal to help singles prepare for marriage while in the pre-wedding holding pattern?
- Would the needs of people for whom marriage is a far away notion, the question of marriage was yet to be settled, or who knew marriage wasn’t for them be addressed?
My experience, outdated though it might be, was that marriage was the goal, the outcome, the objective. Marriage is honorable therefore it is for everybody and everybody wants it, right? Was the joy that was mentioned in the subtitle a temporary joy that would be replaced with a permanent, until death do us part joy?
Meet You at the Convention
Traveling in the Way Back Machine took me back to spending a few summers in various cities for church youth conventions. I always looked forward to attending the workshops for singles. One of the moderators emphasized that as young ladies we needed to “be a peach and make him reach”. She also talked about how to make a nice home for the husband-to-be. All good stuff. Whether single for a season or for life, men and women need to know how to conduct themselves and hone domestic skills. I don’t remember if my session was ladies only or if it just happened that the overwhelming majority of participants were of the fairer sex.
I could not fathom investing the time or money if Singles Conference 2013 was going to be a rehash of the 1980s, 1990s, or 2000s conferences I attended. Been there, done that, and still have the faded, too-small, t-shirt to prove it.
Trail Mix, Chex Mix or Mixed Nuts
For the Mix and Mingle event, the radio personality who hosted the last such event mentioned in her plea that the ratio of men to women was lopsided. This seems to be the scenario for things targeted to Christian singles. Does this mean that the Christian single man is virtually extinct or wants no part of the marketplace, even if the “merchandise” is set apart for the master’s use? Did the fly on the wall see the sisters present jockeying for position the entire evening?
The evening’s festivities comprised: Speed Dating, Karaoke, a special musical guest, food, etc. Most of that sounded like fun.
My concerns:
- Was there a place for someone who simply wanted to meet new people and make friends of the platonic kind?
- Would the only measure of success be how many love connections were made?
- Also, would the crowd consist mostly of 20somethings blinded by Engagement Ring Bling?
Somehow, I got the idea that any happening that had “Single” in the title was a gateway to picking out china patterns. Though it was never stated, picture if you will, across a crowded room, his eyes would lock with yours. The way you carried yourself would hook him and with careful calculations, you could reel him in.
Fast Forward to 2023
Now the fly on the wall has another option, a virtual wall. I didn’t have to spend my money, burn my gas, or leave my couch to get the tips and tools for successful singleness. This event took place in one evening instead of a weekend. A panel was assembled, questions were asked and answered, live polls were taken, and speed-blind dates a la Love is Blind were simulated. One of the polls showed that my demographic (40+) had the smallest representation. An assumption was made that the primary reason for attending/viewing was the desire for marriage. The only thing I missed by not being there live and in person was the “after party” mingling.
In this era of dating apps, singles still need help to find each other. The married pastor at this hybrid event shared that before getting married, every weekend he went to concerts, musicals, and other events, then to someone’s home afterward. Every holiday there were co-ed gatherings with opportunities for singles to gather data. These expeditions eventually led to marriage proposals. His solution is to create a community for singles including small groups where single people never spend another lonely weekend home alone.
When I was marriage minded 24-7, the sole reason for going to a “single something or other” was to get that Mrs. before my name. Do I need to come off the wall, take off my Undercover Sistah disguise, and give these events another chance? Thoughts? Share them in the comments.