A songwriter penned these lyrics, “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”. While the tune that accompanied those words is catchy, I choose not to sing along. Yes, singles have lonely moments. But married couples and those in romantic relationships are not immune to loneliness. Loneliness occurs in crowded rooms. Just because a space is populated does not mean people will connect. It is effortless to get lost in the crowd.
Most of us understand that loneliness affects mental and emotional health. But It also impacts physical health. The Psychology Today Staff found that “loneliness is a risk factor for heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, and arthritis, among other diseases. Lonely people are also twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease, research suggests. The state of chronic loneliness may trigger adverse physiological responses such as the increased production of stress hormones, hinder sleep, and result in weakened immunity.”
As single women, we can choose to look at loneliness through a positive lens. We can view loneliness as an opportunity to change the trajectory of our lives. Poor health for the rest of our days does not have to be single women’s fate.
Missed Links
Disconnection is signaled just like flight or fright. Baya Voce at TEDx Salt Lake 2016 states, “1 in 5 people have learned to suffer alone instead of leaning in”. She is a former MTV reality star of the Real World, Brooklyn who discovered that living in a house with complete strangers did not erase her loneliness.
“People who live long lives around the world prioritize connections by spending quality time with people who make them feel, seen, heard, and valued”. Voce proposes that ritual is necessary for connections to take place. Her formula is as follows: repeated action + intention = ritual, (anchor of connection). In other words, synchronize your calendars. Set a date and a time to celebrate or to grieve. “Connection is not created by the things we go get. It is created by the things we go back to,” she concludes.
There was some backlash from people who felt Baya was clueless about how it feels to be lonely. Making connections is difficult for many people, especially if you are new to or without a community. This is where intentionality comes in. Putting yourself out there is risky. The very thought of it makes some retreat further into their caves. Potential rejection causes fright to kick in. blocking opportunities for all types of relationships. With fear in your heart, leap anyway!
Lonely Lingo
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness
Solitude is one of many synonyms for loneliness. To me, solitude means self-selected time alone. According to Wikipedia, “Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think, or rest without disturbance. It may be desired for the sake of privacy”. Don’t confuse solitude with solitary confinement. Someone else places you into solitary confinement against your will. The place and duration of confinement are chosen for you. Be okay with being alone. You control the location and what happens during and after your solitude.
“Though I come from a faith tradition that, along with marriage, sees singleness and celibate religious life (i.e., nuns, monks, etc.) as valid life paths, it hasn’t escaped my notice that in everything from movies to books, from Pinterest boards to photography businesses, marriage is perhaps the most common life choice, and, from the culture’s perspective, the ultimate antidote to loneliness“. This quote from Consider This: Experiencing Loneliness As a Single Woman, Reflections from one single woman resonates with me. In my opinion, loneliness is not poison. The author thinks that the most authentic function of loneliness—points her toward a deeper discovery of the world around her. I concur
This post barely scratched the surface of this intense topic. Therefore we will explore loneliness further in future posts. Is one the loneliest number? For my sisters who are fresh off of a breakup, divorced, or widowed does this statement have a different meaning now? Let us know how you feel about it in the comments.